Monday, April 6, 2009


“If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?”-Anton Chigurh from No Country For Old Men

It’s not very often I quote lines from movies or seek truth in fiction, but this one line penned by Cormac McCarthy I found particularly powerful in its truthful simplicity. The majority of my life I held fast to some very rigid ideas, rules, opinions, judgments, and philosophies. I thought of them as gospel. I really couldn’t see life as being any other way, and was steadfast in my belief of my “rightness”. And if life didn’t agree with these ideas of mine? Then I would attempt to bend and subjugate life to fit within these parameters (how’s that for arrogance?). And yet, I felt a significant amount of dissatisfaction in my life, but never thought about it much because I figured that is just how life is…dissatisfying. And then one day recently, it just struck me, almost as if my whole life was leading to this point, that life doesn’t have to be like this. Life is neither good nor bad, it just simply “is”. The “rules” I had so slavishly obeyed were serving no purpose in any kind of spiritual or emotional advancement. I felt very much “stuck”. Now, these rules were not just made up for no purpose at all, as they had more than a tangential* relationship for maintaining my (relative) sanity growing up in a difficult environment. But now, as an adult, they had long since outlived their usefulness, and were now quite a hindrance in my life. So, hence the quote. Funny thing though, once you strip away all that baggage, what do you have left? Especially if you learn to let go of some of the anger? A bit of a blank canvas I think, and one I’m beginning to add some new color to…a color other than blue. Funny thing about a blank canvas, it doesn’t necessarily equate happiness (which truly, only comes from within), but it DOES equate a loss of UN-happiness…which is a start. Plus, with a blank canvas, even known experiences seem new again, and life seems to have a bit more flavor and vibrancy…and perhaps I'm finally ready to experience life for the first time. Call it an acceptance of the "is"...

Here’s a joke for you nerdy types I made up the other day. “Want to know the problem with Stoics? They can never decide on a restaurant.” Well, it made me laugh…


*My favorite word for the last 24 hrs. Just popped into my head and I decided it was going to be worked into the blog somehow because it was just too cool

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