Tuesday, June 30, 2009

OK, a confession...

...I am now mildly annoyed. Who am I annoyed with you may or may not be asking yourself? (I'm going with 'not asking yourself' by the way) I am annoyed with the idiots who monopolize one particular piece of gym equipment at the gym and are oblivious to the fact that others may like to use it as well. Sure, you can ask to 'work in' a set as they do their thing, but the idea that I have to ask permission to use a piece of equipment I am PAYING for is ridiculous. So, generally, what I'll do is go about my business on the other pieces of equipment until Mr. Healthy is done. Well, today, I was nearing the end of my circuit routine (about 35 minutes or so) and this dumb ass is STILL on the apparatus I want to use and finish with (it was a butterfly station). DUDE! It's ok to work more than one muscle group. I suggest you also work the one that allows you to be something other than an oblivious narcissistic asshole. I love these guys that come into the gym to work on particular body parts on particular days. Isnt that amazing? To be that self absorbed? Hell, to be that self conscious? "Well, today is eyelids, tomorrow is nipples, and then I'll be focusing on my pinky toe on Friday. Got to attack all these groups on their own. After all, it's not about being in good health. Oh no, no, no...it's about having sculpted eyelids (and nipples and toes)." What makes it even better is the fact that they're not continually working out. They'll work in a fifteen minute conversation with their gym buddy (who no doubt is in there on his day to work his kneecaps...because tomorrow is all about scrotum work), take about 135 water breaks (you can spot these jackasses as they enter the gym. They'll be carrying their own towel and a water jug the size of a beer keg), entertain one or two mobile phone calls, fiddle with their iPod, and frequently stare off into space apparently doing absolutely nothing at all (perhaps 'visualizing those perfect eyelids and nipples he's working on?). In fact, I think they even occasionally take a nap. Even though they spend 26 hours on one piece of gym equipment, they work in only about 12 minutes of actual exercise.
Obviously these guys love to hang around a bunch of heavily sweating men and dislike going home to their families. While this speaks volumes about them, it brings me no satisfaction knowing theyre a bunch of miserable people with repressed sexual longing they wont deal with. I just want to use the fucking butterfly station, you know?

Monday, June 29, 2009


I have a theory, and it is this: if things are ok, you don't spend too much time on the 'net. I was thinking I needed to blog something, but what? I don't have anything all that interesting to bitch about (a usual fave topic of mine), life, family, and finances are good, friends are, well, they're all over the place, but that's nothing new, and I'm generally in a calm place at the moment. So what to type? Dunno...

Been on vacation for some weeks now. As a result, I have had more beer/cocktails in the past twenty days than in the past year...maybe more. The result? Six pounds of weight gain...so, needless to say, cocktail hour is over. What I don't get are alcoholics who are skinny. Hows does that work? Cocaine binges? A diet of menthol cigarettes and methamphetamine? Or do you just drink to the point of vomiting, thus maintain your svelte figure? Truly, it is a mystery to me.

I'm tempted to go on here, but it would just be a waste of space that was the result of a forced effort. I think most blogging requires a certain amount of energy, usually negative, and is the result of anxiety, anger, the need for validation from others, etc. Occasionally, it it is for no other purpose than to be funny, and those are the blogs I tend to enjoy and attempt to write (when I'm not full of anxiety, anger, or the need of validation from others). So, in order not to violate my own rule, I should stop here.

Ok, ideally I'd be able to end with an amusing anecdote or a fart joke, but sadly, I have neither to share, although I will say this...the phrase "You cause the rain!" makes me laugh every time I think of it, and is one of the truest ideas I can think of.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


I discovered something interesting this weekend when I threw a party at my house. If you pour enough alcohol down peoples throats, as the party roars on past 2 a.m., not only will they seek out tobacco products, they will discover a medical condition that requires they immerse themselves in hot, bubbly water. Apparently, I too suffered from this condition. Here's the photographic evidence (which makes me laugh every time I look at it) Photo number one, people socializing on my back patio and behaving themselves. Photo two...well, it speaks for itself: