Thursday, July 25, 2013


So, it wasn't a food allergy.  Turns out, I have an ulcer...which I ignored for almost a month (you would think nightly pain would get me to the doctor...but nope.  That would take a brain cell or two...which I'm apparently lacking).  What did it take to finally get me to the doctor?  Vomiting up bile the color of mint ice cream.  Needless to say, that did the trick.  Anyways, let me tell you...are ulcers painful?  Uh, yeah.  Unbelievably so.  The good news is I can eat want I want again, the bad news is...I can't eat what I want for at least a month.  My tasty diet consists primarily of peanut butter (creamy) and jelly sandwiches, bananas, grapes, 1% milk, apples, blueberries, eggs, rice, plain noodles and oatmeal.  When I'm feeling exotic, I work in a little chicken.  No caffeine, no chocolate, no spices, tomatoes, peppers, onions, garlic, coffee (I haven't had coffee in days and yes, I'm experiencing withdrawals), citrus, fatty foods (cheese, butter, cream, whole know, shit I love) or carbonated beverages.  I didn't originally believe this, and cheated a bit.  Well, after 12 hours of agonizing abdominal pain, I saw the light. Anyways, the ulcer safe diet pretty much means any foods that lack actual flavor are the safe foods to eat.  Right now, even something like KETCHUP sounds like exotic, forbidden fruit.  Those of you who may know me, know how much I like spicy food (especially Mexican), so you can appreciate the dietary hell I'm living in right now.  However, I suppose I can take solace in the fact that it won't last forever.

 OK.  Time for (yet another) banana.  

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Las Vegas and potential milk allergies

So, I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  Part of it has been an ongoing health issue which has run me down for the last year, seriously fucked with my personal and professional life, jacked up my once solid fitness regimen, and looks like I may have to go out of town for a specialist if I want to get it addressed (Samter's Triad...look it up.  It's a fun little auto immune allergy thing...and Scripps in San Diego has a special protocol to deal with it.  After having asthma, loss of smell, occasional intestinal angioedema ((more painful than I can begin to describe)) and hives off and on for over a year, I think I'm ready to give it a shot).  Another reason is I'm not all that angry or pissed.  It's amazing what fuel rage is for ranting on a site like this, but I've been too run down to really feel the burn...and truth be told, there's not a whole lot of drama right now anyways.  Well, until now...

First of all, I love dairy.  Milk, ice cream, cheese, BUTTER....seriously.  The shit to me is the heroin of the food groups.  To me, it's more addictive than BACON...and that's saying something.   You can take one of my eyes, but don't fuck with my dairy.  Well, check this out.  All of the sudden, for no good goddamn reason, for the last three weeks, every evening, and after most meals, I would get debilitating stomach pain and abdominal distension.  I mean wind up at doctors and get prescription pain killers type pain.  As a result of my last years allergic nonsense, apparently there's a good chance you'll develop other autoimmune allergies.  Naturally, because I love dairy so much, it appears I have developed a milk protein allergy.  While this hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, today I avoided all dairy after doing a research of symptoms last night (first tried a gluten elimination...didn't work), and today I had the first day in weeks where I wasn't rolling around on the carpet in agony at 3:30 in the morning with my gut blown up three times its normal size.  Great.  Take away one of the few things I truly live for.  On top of all that, apparently I'm going to have to turn into one of those alternative foods Nazi's that are a real pain in the ass.  I'm already researching almond/coconut milk dairy substitutes, non-dairy vegan protein powders (since I can no longer enjoy my chocolate milk or chocolate whey protein post workout beverage.  And that's another thing.  Last year my fitness regimen was seriously derailed by this allergy bullshit, and every few months when I start to feel better and get back on a regular exercise/running schedule....BOOM!  Sinus infection!  Boom! Rampant hives outbreak!  And now...BOOM! A possible milk protein allergy!  I haven't exercised in three weeks and I feel like I'm atrophying head to's like God/Mother Earth/Buddah/Shiva/HAL/fucking whoever, doesn't want me fit anymore, because it feels like I'm constantly being conspired against every time I get back into a routine), breads that aren't made with milk products, etc.  Guess what?  EVERYTHING HAS FUCKING MILK PRODUCTS IN IT!  Seriously.  If it's processed, it's in there in one form or another.  So now, I have to start shopping for particular products at those high end yuppie health food grocery chains where you spend $9 on a loaf of dairy-soy-gluten-GMO free organic bread made by a woman named Chastity and her husband Freedom.  Yea.  Apparently, I'm going to have to turn into THAT PERSON.  God help us all, and please forgive me for what I'm about to become.

OK.  Rant over.  Side note, I took my daughters to Las Vegas (their me parent of the year) during the week of the 4th of July.  Saw a few shows, ate at some nice restaurants, overheard a large man who looked like Cedric the Entertainer trying to buy cocaine over the phone ("Yo man, we need some motherfuckin' CO-CAINE up in this motherfucker...") and I managed to get through it despite my previously mentioned uncontrolled allergy/GI issues (had a few stressful nights though...was thinking I was going to end up at the Las Vegas ER one night, which would have sucked ballz...although I'm sure it would have made for a helluva story later).  Like I said, made for some long nights, but it was nice taking the girls out of town.  We had a good time, and I got to take them on their first (short) flight (kind of their warm up as my sister is taking them to England in two weeks.  Yes...they're spoiled).  Here's a few pics:
Ahhh...the subtle ambience of The Strip.

Awesome show, and some would say I appear to be a paler long lost cousin of the Blue Men.

Another impressive show, and the theater was jaw dropping amazing.

You know, The Strip just isn't blingy enough...perhaps fireworks is what it needs.  Done.

Seriously, go see this's a blast.