Tragedy Avoided

On my long commute home this morning after an even longer graveyard shift, the radio station played back to back John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and Dave Matthews songs. I don't know if the DJ was trying to induce narcolepsy in us early morning drivers, but it was only through quick and decisive action was I able to change the radio channel prior to passing out in a deep coma as a result of this Sleepy Time Herbal Tea radio hour programming. We were THIS CLOSE to having a nasty pile up on I-80 eastbound due to the mellow whitebread sleep inducing music emanating from my speakers. Another interesting thing about these so called "chill' artists is their lyrics, which sound something like this: "Mwah freh traugh sawaho cho mah saw lah owwww". All three songs seemed to follow this unique vocal styling which seemed to take the idea of having a mouth full of marbles to new and exciting heights. It was just simply an awful...I mean awsome...aural experience (not to be confused with an awesome 'oral experience', which, lets face it, beats John Mayer and his ilk all to hell ...). Do people really listen to this stuff? Or is it really meant for the treatment of insomnia? Hmmm...maybe these guys are sponsored by Merck or Eli Lilly? Actually, I can totally see the following: Tonight Only! John Mayer, Jack Johnson, and Dave Matthews brought to you by the makers of Ambien! (and then rather than sell t-shirts at the concert, they sell pilllows and comforters.... You know, I really think I'm on to something here...).

Orange Blossoms

You know, the Valley and Fresno take a lot of heat (get it? Fresno....heat...yeah, I almost died laughing too. Anywhoo...) from glamorous southern and northern California for a variety of snotty reasons. Whatever. But you know what the Valley has that just can't be beat this time of year? The fragrant smell of orange blossoms in the air on a warm evening. It's sweet smell takes me back to summer drives at night as a teen, when life was still wide open before me, and it is one of the things that reminds me the Valley is, indeed, home.

Compromise vs. Reality

A thought occurred to me today re: compromise vs. reality. It was a simple thought really, and the thought was this: we stop looking at things as a 'compromise' once we accept 'reality'. I've had many a conversation where folks have said "I refuse to compromise and will hold out until I get exactly what I want." Then they go about living a rather insane life of repeating the same behavior, i.e. chasing perfection and idealizing others to falsely fit into the image of perfection, only to be disappointed over and over again once the 'reality' (nothing is perfect) has set in. Then they repeat the same behavior and expect a different result (the very definition of insanity). I think we've all been guilty of this behavior at various points in our lives, and maybe the only thing that makes any of us different from another is if and when we learn the difference between compromise and reality. Reality IS compromise. Nothing is perfect...everything is flawed. When we learn that to seek perfection (another way of saying 'refuse to compromise') is a fruitless endeavor, and we learn to accept the reality that compromise is what leads to satisfaction, I think we can truly start to learn happiness. There is no way we will ever get everything we want, and no one person can be all things to another. But once we can accept the reality that people have flaws, just as we ourselves do, and we accept those flaws for the trivial things they may be, we can see the value that the truly good people in our lives have to offer, and maybe, for the first time, truly appreciate them for the special people they are...even though we had to 'compromise' to see and finally feel it. What can I say? Reality suddenly seems much more exciting than fantasy, and isn't that as it should be?

Quick Follow-Up

So I took my daughters to Claim Jumper. For those of you not familiar with Claim Jumper, Claim Jumper is a restaurant chain that serves food in 13lb., 14,000 calorie portions...and I always walk, ok, crawl, out of there in a near food coma swearing I may never eat again. You get the idea. So, anywhoo, tonight I told myself I was going to pare it back and eat a lighter, smaller portion in order to avoid the food hangover that always comes with a Claim Jumper meal. So I had 1) a cup of tortilla soup, and 2) their California citrus salad. Oh, and one, ONE, mozarella cheese stick. Thats it. And you know what? Yep. Total food coma...from a salad. You know, all I can figure is that somehow Claim Jumper infuses their lettuce with heavy cream and bacon bits or something. Or maybe they managed through the miracle of science to deep fry their soup. I dunno. But I've never before had a salad that made me want to lay down until about, oh, the middle of July.

Now What?

I have come to realize that much of the time the only reason why I post anything at all is an attempt at sharing an amusing thought or two. Normally, I try and avoid 'deep and meaningful' topics because I figure 'who the hell cares whats going on in my noggin'?', but lately I've posted a few...and I've wondered why. Now, I think I know. I'm just not that angry right now. I think anger fuels a lot of humor (they say stand up comedians are generally some of the unhappiest and angriest people you could want to meet), and my lack of it has left me sort of...mellow and reflective. I do have the occasional traffic rant, or I can rhapsodize about the service at Starbucks, but really, those rants are played out and how long can I go on bitching about it (well, forever if I let myself)? Traffic sucks, and Starbucks service is occasionally slow. There. Topic covered...forever. Moving on.

Thing is, I am a funny guy (according to the people I meet), but I find lately that any humor I have to share is in the context of a real time conversation, because that is a real and (generally) positive experience full of good energy. A rant or screed here is, truth be told, carrying around a bucket of bile all day long until I get here and vomit it forth in some sort of passionate invective. What a great way to have a miserable day, you know? To carry that around until I get home to a computer? Feh...I just don't have the energy for that anymore...or the desire, and I feel better for it. However, having said that, the blogs have suffered. What to do....what to do...

Actually, I have no idea, but here's a few thoughts that jumped into my head I'll share here for lack of anything better to write about:
1. Whenever a woman tells me she's going to go get a 'facial', I have an overwhelming urge to laugh maniacally at the sheer joy at her obliviousness to how perverse that sentence sounds.
2. Ditto with every time I go to the supermarket and see the word 'pork-butt'. To me, that sounds like a command given by the director of a pornograhic film to his male star who has limited command of the English language.
3. You can figure out with 90% accuracy if a person is somebody you want to engage in any sort of relationship with just by the contents of their iPod. Multiple Mariah Carey tracks? We will not be hanging out...
4. I have come to realize that women MAY be drinking MORE than men now. Whenever I go out, its the women who are shitfaced hammered and out of control. Congratulations ladies, you have now achieved equality in the ability to make poor drunken decisions too. Enjoy...and please stop spilling your drinks on me.
5. As a man, you have to admit once in a while there are just some guys who are cooler than you'll ever be...Clive Owen is one of those guys...Rob Dickinson too. The bastards.
6. I am sadly lacking an object of lust. As a college aged lad, it was Winona Ryder. Then later Kelly MacDonald (loved the accent too). Then...nothing. Its sad really. Who do I fantasize about now? I now find myself far more interested and turned on by real women...flaws and all. Is that what happens when you're staring at turning 40? You accept reality and....well....embrace it? Wheres the fun in that???????

OK, promised my daughters I'd take them out to dinner, so off I go...but just felt like writing a little something, and this hit the spot almost as good as a small cappuccino.

Progress Not Perfection

It always seems for me progress is not an even and smooth ascention. It is a bumpy road of fits and starts, two steps back for three steps forward, and the occasional backslide followed by the releasing epiphany. Additionally, one can know, and one can feel, but nothing happens until one gets the head and the heart on the same page. But when things are truly right and proper, its amazing just how RIGHT and anxiety free it feels. Oddly enough, several different people have told me this week I seem different, and am projecting a relaxed and positive energy. Maybe that's what letting go really feels like. Then again, maybe its just getting some exercise, plenty of fiber, and drinking lots of water. Either way....score.

Miracles

A thought occurred to me as I drove between The Bay Area and Sacramento today. And that thought was this: people are really horrible drivers. I mean, they really, really suck. As in, they suck to the point of it indicating some kind of deficient brain function. So, to sum up: they suck, and they're stupid. Got it? Good. As these thoughts on humanity swirled around my head as I drove and witnessed the act of one high functioning retard after another engage in the poetic dance that is Bay Area traffic, another thought occurred to me: If it is a given fact that people are completely retarded, then it stands to reason that it is an ABSOLUTE MIRACLE they don't immediately crash as soon as they leave their driveway, much less enter the freeway. Think about it. I was surrounded by hundreds of people operating two ton death machines hurtling down the road at 100 ft. per second who possessed no more mental acuity than a simple planarian, and yet, they were managing not coming together in one huge fireball of twisted metal reminescent of the final scenes of The Road Warrior. And then it struck me. Miracles ARE all around us, and I was witnessing an act of a power higher than myself. So there you go. So the next time you start to get pissed off at the dumbass in the car next to you on the road, yet you see that they manage to continue to drive down the road with their head completely up their ass and, amazingly enough, NOT CRASH, just smile, and feel the joy of witnessing a miracle, and feel the wonder of the universe embrace you...and then flip them off.