Attention Fresnans: the minor kink (like what, about a 4 degree variance???) on freeway 41 between Shields and McKinley does not, I repeat, DOES NOT, require you to slam on your brakes and slow down to 27 mph. Stop treating it like it's blood alley or the chicane of death for Christ's sake, and grow a pair. Thank you for listening.
Also, motorcyclists: wearing a Jesse James style bandana with an open faced helmet does not make you look like a bad ass. It makes you look like an idiot. If you're really concerned about bugs in your face/mouth/etc., it's called a full face helmet. They're not new. Look into it.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Marilyn Monroe and Lance
So, I’ve seen a lot of women over the years post the following quote on various social media profiles:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Now, I know a lot of you ladies think this says, “Hey, I’m not perfect, and if you cannot accept that, then you have unrealistic expectations and are unworthy of a relationship with me.” But you know what? It doesn’t say that. Know what it does say? It says the following:
“Hi. I’m a seriously unhinged lunatic who will have the occasional lucid moment where I’ll lull you into a false sense of comfort that I’m a rational human being. The reality is, however, you are far more likely to wake up with me straddling you, crying, holding a knife to your throat, and screaming, DO YOU LOVE ME???? DO YOU???????? DADDY….WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME????? WHY??????????”
You see, this quote is from Marilyn Monroe. The same Marilyn Monroe who not only was raised in a physically abusive atmosphere, but married a string of assholes and then fucking KILLED HERSELF. She was also famous for being wildly promiscuous, and not because she had some sort of voracious sexual appetite, but because she felt the need to constantly debase herself because she was filled with an overwhelming sense of self loathing. Now, while we can debate the tragedy of it all, let us not forget the paramount point here…she was a complete train wreck. To identify with her is to identify yourself as a likewise pile of twisted metal and smoke filled destruction, and a pretty good flag for healthy people to view you as a live grenade. It’s also a great way for the kind of narcissistic, self aggrandizing, abusive pricks Marilyn often engaged in relationships with to sniff you out and introduce themselves. Just so you know…
Also, I had the following encounter yesterday. As I was driving down the road after a trip to the grocery store, my trunk warning light came on, and it turned out I hadn’t completely shut my trunk. Not wanting potentially loose plastic grocery bags to fly out of my trunk, I pulled over to the right curbline of Shepherd Avenue, stopped my car, got out, and shut my trunk. Now, in this spot on the road, there is a designated bicycle lane…which I momentarily occupied with my car. Before I pulled over, I made sure there were no cyclists near by. After the fifteen total seconds I occupied the bike lane, and as I was reentering my car, a cyclist, apparently offended he had to make the risky maneuver of moving six feet to his left, felt the need to make the following comment as he rode by, “Really!!!???” Apparently, he was so mortified by my position in the road, he just couldn’t help himself. Now, Lance here (he was dressed up in the latest Tour de France style bicycle racing gear…i.e. spandex head to toe…and speaking of toe, probably a good case of man camel toe as well in those bun huggers he was wearing. C’est chic monsieur!) was no doubt deciding to take up the need all “serious cyclists” feel in educating the general public in traffic etiquette (if you’ve ever seen an episode of Portlandia, you know what I’m talking about). They think they’re being helpfully instructive and are creating greater societal good. But you know what they’re really being? A ginormous asshole. I mean, just like the Grand Canyon, it can be seen from space kind of asshole. And it’s not instructive. It’s just being a dick who is assuming you are the only decent human being in the world and this lunk headed car driver decided to park his car in the middle of a bike lane so he could jack off and smoke a menthol cigarette or something. Whatever. Point is, it never occurred to this living, locomotion capable douche bag, that perhaps there was a REASON why this guy pulled over, legally I might add, into the bike lane. What his comment did inspire , however, was a moment where I considered catching up to him and committing vehicular homicide…just so I could hear his head pop like a grape under my 3,500 lb vehicle, and have the joy of rinsing his blood off of my grill. But no, I didn’t do this and settled for this razor sharp come back statement instead: “Yeah…really!” Yeah, my wit knows no bounds. The kicker is Mr. Law and Order here made a right turn at the next intersection into the far left oncoming lane (illegal), and then proceeded to travel against traffic (also illegal). It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragically retarded. The lack of a sense of hypocrisy and self awareness that seems to be spreading across this country faster than an STD on a college campus is depressing, and will be the death knell of this country faster than any boneheaded economic policy we adopt. Wow. That was a lot of words to just say “people are dumb.” Thanks for indulging me.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Now, I know a lot of you ladies think this says, “Hey, I’m not perfect, and if you cannot accept that, then you have unrealistic expectations and are unworthy of a relationship with me.” But you know what? It doesn’t say that. Know what it does say? It says the following:
“Hi. I’m a seriously unhinged lunatic who will have the occasional lucid moment where I’ll lull you into a false sense of comfort that I’m a rational human being. The reality is, however, you are far more likely to wake up with me straddling you, crying, holding a knife to your throat, and screaming, DO YOU LOVE ME???? DO YOU???????? DADDY….WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME????? WHY??????????”
You see, this quote is from Marilyn Monroe. The same Marilyn Monroe who not only was raised in a physically abusive atmosphere, but married a string of assholes and then fucking KILLED HERSELF. She was also famous for being wildly promiscuous, and not because she had some sort of voracious sexual appetite, but because she felt the need to constantly debase herself because she was filled with an overwhelming sense of self loathing. Now, while we can debate the tragedy of it all, let us not forget the paramount point here…she was a complete train wreck. To identify with her is to identify yourself as a likewise pile of twisted metal and smoke filled destruction, and a pretty good flag for healthy people to view you as a live grenade. It’s also a great way for the kind of narcissistic, self aggrandizing, abusive pricks Marilyn often engaged in relationships with to sniff you out and introduce themselves. Just so you know…
Also, I had the following encounter yesterday. As I was driving down the road after a trip to the grocery store, my trunk warning light came on, and it turned out I hadn’t completely shut my trunk. Not wanting potentially loose plastic grocery bags to fly out of my trunk, I pulled over to the right curbline of Shepherd Avenue, stopped my car, got out, and shut my trunk. Now, in this spot on the road, there is a designated bicycle lane…which I momentarily occupied with my car. Before I pulled over, I made sure there were no cyclists near by. After the fifteen total seconds I occupied the bike lane, and as I was reentering my car, a cyclist, apparently offended he had to make the risky maneuver of moving six feet to his left, felt the need to make the following comment as he rode by, “Really!!!???” Apparently, he was so mortified by my position in the road, he just couldn’t help himself. Now, Lance here (he was dressed up in the latest Tour de France style bicycle racing gear…i.e. spandex head to toe…and speaking of toe, probably a good case of man camel toe as well in those bun huggers he was wearing. C’est chic monsieur!) was no doubt deciding to take up the need all “serious cyclists” feel in educating the general public in traffic etiquette (if you’ve ever seen an episode of Portlandia, you know what I’m talking about). They think they’re being helpfully instructive and are creating greater societal good. But you know what they’re really being? A ginormous asshole. I mean, just like the Grand Canyon, it can be seen from space kind of asshole. And it’s not instructive. It’s just being a dick who is assuming you are the only decent human being in the world and this lunk headed car driver decided to park his car in the middle of a bike lane so he could jack off and smoke a menthol cigarette or something. Whatever. Point is, it never occurred to this living, locomotion capable douche bag, that perhaps there was a REASON why this guy pulled over, legally I might add, into the bike lane. What his comment did inspire , however, was a moment where I considered catching up to him and committing vehicular homicide…just so I could hear his head pop like a grape under my 3,500 lb vehicle, and have the joy of rinsing his blood off of my grill. But no, I didn’t do this and settled for this razor sharp come back statement instead: “Yeah…really!” Yeah, my wit knows no bounds. The kicker is Mr. Law and Order here made a right turn at the next intersection into the far left oncoming lane (illegal), and then proceeded to travel against traffic (also illegal). It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragically retarded. The lack of a sense of hypocrisy and self awareness that seems to be spreading across this country faster than an STD on a college campus is depressing, and will be the death knell of this country faster than any boneheaded economic policy we adopt. Wow. That was a lot of words to just say “people are dumb.” Thanks for indulging me.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Neocon nut jobs
The Republicans are holding a loaded gun to their own head and threatening to pull
the trigger if others don't go along with them. Time to draw a line in the sand and
let them pull the trigger. If the debt ceiling isn't raised, and the resulting
chaos results in their Wall St sugar daddies missing a bonus check, they'll be
out of office tout de suite. Time for the Democrats to grow a Clintonesque
sized pair of balls.
the trigger if others don't go along with them. Time to draw a line in the sand and
let them pull the trigger. If the debt ceiling isn't raised, and the resulting
chaos results in their Wall St sugar daddies missing a bonus check, they'll be
out of office tout de suite. Time for the Democrats to grow a Clintonesque
sized pair of balls.
Michele Bachmann is a reptile
Every time I see the cold, unblinking, compassionless eyes of Michele Bachman staring into a camera, I keep expecting her to unhinge her lower jaw and swallow a whole gazelle.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Humanism is too human
Was hunting and pecking around the blogosphere for thoughts and ideas about Humanism, and ran across this one here:
http://theoreticalhumanism.wordpress.com/
Here was my reply, and although it was spur of the moment and probably doesn't pass the sniff test, it does contain some ideas I actually believe in (for the moment...after all, I am evolving, and so is my point of view on many a thing).
If I had to subscribe to any “ism”, I guess Humanism would be the closest to any life philosophy I adhere to (although to borrow from Ferris Bueller, I tend to think of most “isms” as dangerous belief systems). However, I feel even Humanism is too narrow a philosophy in that it ascribes some sort of meaning to life (contentment to use your supposition). I think the purpose of humanity is no different than the purpose of the universe itself, and that is a vain attempt to stay one step ahead of death (or entropy if you like). It is of course impossible, and yet we have an unyielding and fundamental drive to reproduce prior to our death to give our genes some type of (false) immortality, as even the universe gives life prior to the death of some of its most complex systems (a dying star can supernova and produce complex…more complex than the star itself… life giving elements back to the vacuum). It all seems ultimately pointless, due to diminishing returns, as entropy and the ultimate heat death of all creation seems inevitable. And yet…I don’t think nihilism is the logical conclusion. It would seem to me, on a true macro scale, we are part of an exceedingly complex whole that seems to be evolving to a point, as if the universe is struggling to evolve in order to understand, and give meaning to, its very self, and perhaps even transcend itself into something beyond creation. Simple evolution on an unimaginable scale (actually, I guess not, as I just imagined it). Then again, to use your argument, it’s ultimately beyond the scientific method, and therefore, not worth discussing. Maybe contentment is where it is at after all. Hmmm…I think I’ll have a taco (yum).
(later on I realized my own flaw) ...of course I contradicted myself by giving meaning as well. This is tricky stuff. OK. I'll just say there is only one meaning, and it applies to, quite literally, everything (from things as elemental as hydrogen gas, all the way to complex structures like human beings and whole galaxies). The meaning is the meaning, it is transcendent, and it is simple as it is complex. It's the alpha and the omega, the yin and yang, 42, the sound of one hand clapping , the chicken or the egg, and that whole tree in the forest thing. It also explains why a taco is so perfect.
http://theoreticalhumanism.wordpress.com/
Here was my reply, and although it was spur of the moment and probably doesn't pass the sniff test, it does contain some ideas I actually believe in (for the moment...after all, I am evolving, and so is my point of view on many a thing).
If I had to subscribe to any “ism”, I guess Humanism would be the closest to any life philosophy I adhere to (although to borrow from Ferris Bueller, I tend to think of most “isms” as dangerous belief systems). However, I feel even Humanism is too narrow a philosophy in that it ascribes some sort of meaning to life (contentment to use your supposition). I think the purpose of humanity is no different than the purpose of the universe itself, and that is a vain attempt to stay one step ahead of death (or entropy if you like). It is of course impossible, and yet we have an unyielding and fundamental drive to reproduce prior to our death to give our genes some type of (false) immortality, as even the universe gives life prior to the death of some of its most complex systems (a dying star can supernova and produce complex…more complex than the star itself… life giving elements back to the vacuum). It all seems ultimately pointless, due to diminishing returns, as entropy and the ultimate heat death of all creation seems inevitable. And yet…I don’t think nihilism is the logical conclusion. It would seem to me, on a true macro scale, we are part of an exceedingly complex whole that seems to be evolving to a point, as if the universe is struggling to evolve in order to understand, and give meaning to, its very self, and perhaps even transcend itself into something beyond creation. Simple evolution on an unimaginable scale (actually, I guess not, as I just imagined it). Then again, to use your argument, it’s ultimately beyond the scientific method, and therefore, not worth discussing. Maybe contentment is where it is at after all. Hmmm…I think I’ll have a taco (yum).
(later on I realized my own flaw) ...of course I contradicted myself by giving meaning as well. This is tricky stuff. OK. I'll just say there is only one meaning, and it applies to, quite literally, everything (from things as elemental as hydrogen gas, all the way to complex structures like human beings and whole galaxies). The meaning is the meaning, it is transcendent, and it is simple as it is complex. It's the alpha and the omega, the yin and yang, 42, the sound of one hand clapping , the chicken or the egg, and that whole tree in the forest thing. It also explains why a taco is so perfect.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Juxtaposition
I enjoy art in all its forms, and yet, I rarely enjoy "artists." Being creative need not equal self involved, self aggrandizing, ego centric, narcissistic douchebag. And yet, every time I hear one speak, be interviewed, or, god forbid, socialize with a (self styled) one, these traits just come roaring through. "Yes, I can see you took a black and white photo of a whales penis, and then Photshopped it with a Warhol print, then covered it in spray painted graffiti...and then titled it 'Afghanistan'. Sorry. I just don't get it. I think a better title would have been 'I'm An Asshole.'" Let it go my man, you're just not that cool. Trust me. There are of course exceptions to this rule, and to those talented few who self deprecate and don't take themselves too seriously, I tend to greatly admire...but they're a small club indeed.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
My White Whale
We all have our hardships and challenges. Right now, mine is trying to figure out what to do with this totally bitchin' chord progression: Cmaj-Csus4/E-Am7-D7...is it a chorus? Verse? And what to follow it with??? Forget the heartbreak of psoriasis, this shit is frustrating. OCD in overdrive...
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