Saturday, March 7, 2009

Random Thoughts

So I've recently been reintroduced to the awesome pleasure of the portable laptop/wireless internet combo. As I lay here in my ridiculously comfortable bed and type this, I am also listening to the new U2 album for free on their website. It's a beautiful thing. And yet, technology is a demanding mistress who must be kept in check. Take the posting of rants for instance. I think it should be done in moderation, and only when you have something truly passionate, amusing, or interesting to say. However, lately I've felt like I needed to keep putting stuff out there, like I needed a steady stream of posts for reasons I really cannot comprehend. Probably ego. Probably a need for some sort of personal validation. Whatever. Problem is, volume does not always equal quality. Sometimes less IS more, so I'm going to dial back my posts until something really and truly motivates me................................................OK....two things did motivate me over the last few days, so I'll briefly share them here, and then, I SWEAR, I'll be cutting back for qualities sake.

Anyway, number one:

I saw a guy driving a Honda S2000 with the following personalized plate, "TUFRYDE". Um, not really. I mean, a Honda S2000 is a lot of things, but a TUFRYDE is not one of them. It's a Honda S2000, and you're a dude. May I suggest "GAYRYDE" as a more appropriate choice?

Number two:

I have lots of problems with Starbucks. I do not know why. But, if I'm in a hurry, that generally guarantees I have ZERO chance of getting out of there in any kind of reasonable time. Last Wednesday I was pushed for time, and had to do my eighty mile commute to work from West Sacramento to Oakland. I'm in a hurry, sleep deprived, and just want to get on the road. Naturally, the one person in front of me in line is explaining to the pimply faced teen working the counter how to make the perfect cup of tea. He's going on about the forests of Ceylon, and 'off the boil', and steeping techniques. Really? Is that necessary? I'm sorry...I thought it was FUCKING TEA. You know, that shit you put in hot water and let it soak? What the fuck dude? I know you're some old retired fuck who has no need to be anywhere, but Jesus Christ, nobody cares about your prattling on about the joys of Earl Grey! Of course, that wasn't all. He had to be social and talk up the staff. You know, spread a little joy. Want to know who wasn't feeling the joy? Me. Want to know what I was doing? I was concentrating every electron of hate I had in my body and shooting it out of my eyeballs like a microwave beam to the back of this crusty old shitbags head. I was really, really hoping I could make his brain boil and head explode. No, it didn't work, but not for my lack of trying. Anyway, he kept laughing and talking, and wouldn't stop. Just as I started looking around for a 1lb. bag of whole beans (Pike Place) to beat him into merciful silence with, he finally moved on, and I got my coffee and was out the door. I swear, I'm going to perfect that electron microwave beam thing, and when you start reading grisly stories about exploding heads in the paper, you'll know somebody was being a self centered dick at the wrong Starbucks at the wrong time.

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