I have a theory, and it is this: if things are ok, you don't spend too much time on the 'net. I was thinking I needed to blog something, but what? I don't have anything all that interesting to bitch about (a usual fave topic of mine), life, family, and finances are good, friends are, well, they're all over the place, but that's nothing new, and I'm generally in a calm place at the moment. So what to type? Dunno...
Been on vacation for some weeks now. As a result, I have had more beer/cocktails in the past twenty days than in the past year...maybe more. The result? Six pounds of weight gain...so, needless to say, cocktail hour is over. What I don't get are alcoholics who are skinny. Hows does that work? Cocaine binges? A diet of menthol cigarettes and methamphetamine? Or do you just drink to the point of vomiting, thus maintain your svelte figure? Truly, it is a mystery to me.
I'm tempted to go on here, but it would just be a waste of space that was the result of a forced effort. I think most blogging requires a certain amount of energy, usually negative, and is the result of anxiety, anger, the need for validation from others, etc. Occasionally, it it is for no other purpose than to be funny, and those are the blogs I tend to enjoy and attempt to write (when I'm not full of anxiety, anger, or the need of validation from others). So, in order not to violate my own rule, I should stop here.
Ok, ideally I'd be able to end with an amusing anecdote or a fart joke, but sadly, I have neither to share, although I will say this...the phrase "You cause the rain!" makes me laugh every time I think of it, and is one of the truest ideas I can think of.
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Simple Blog
I had a conversation with a person the other day who stated my blogs could be a bit…”wordy” (I would have used the word “pedantic”, but maybe that’s just me being too “wordy” again). OK, fine. Maybe they can be a bit convoluted on occasion, but then again, so can I. So, if ‘ye olde blog is a reflection of the man behind the keyboard, so be it. Now, having said that, I am now going to write a simple and less wordy blog for those to enjoy who feel I can be a bit burdensome with my polysyllabic meanderings, prolix musings, and tedious and verbose tirades (ha! Get it? I just did it again! OK, whatever… I THOUGHT it was funny). I’m going to go for a trace of irony in that the blog will BE about groups of words, but I’m going to try mentally deglaze it and reduce it down:
"A Simple Blog About Common Sayings"
-“I’m bored to tears”. If acts of boredom reduce you to a crying heap, then a lack of mental stimulation isn’t really the problem, and the crying is clearly a sign of a deeper underlying emotional issue. "I’m bored to inattention and mental wandering" would make a lot more sense.
-“Wherever you go, there you are.” Unless of course you haven’t gone anywhere, and are already there. In that case it would be “Wherever you are, well, there ‘ya go.”
-“As useless as tits on a boar.” Has anybody ever asked the boar if those tits are of use? Perhaps we’re jumping to a false conclusion. Then again, if we’re talking about nice tits on a really boring person, then yeah, what a waste, and might be the one exception where being bored to tears may be appropriate.
-“I’ve got to piss like a racehorse.” What that would actually mean is “I have to urinate in a barn while walking around on all fours…and preferably into a large pile of straw.” How this conveys an urgency with your bladder and possible imminent loss of bladder control escapes me.
-“I’m wasted.” Really? I’ve never seen anybody at a party drink themselves to the point of starvation and emaciation. Then again, stating to anybody who will listen “I’m so inebriated that my gross motor control and division of attention is compromised” probably falls into the “too wordy” debate.
-“Fuck this.” Why? As an expression of bile and derision I would think engaging in the act of reproduction with said object of spite would be low on the list of activities said spite would inspire.
-“I screwed up.” No, “screwing up” would be an act of elevation, to rise above a starting point, and clearly this saying is meant as an act of failure and debasement. “I screwed down” would be more appropriate.
-“I’m doing great”. Really? Seems to me you’re standing here talking to me, which while maybe nice, fails to rise to the level of greatness. If you were donating your time building homes for the poor or finding a cure for some horrible disease, THAT would be the time for spontaneous statements of “I’m doing great! I’m doing great!”
-“I was dying on the inside.” Yes, you were. We`all were. Little by little every day. It’s called the irreversible act of aging and some would call the central ennui of the existential crisis we all fight every day.
Hmmm…I was going to go for ten examples, but that seemed too predictable, so I’m keeping it at an obtuse nine. And yes, in review, I still wandered into the wordy territory. C’est la vie, which is French for “bite me.”
"A Simple Blog About Common Sayings"
-“I’m bored to tears”. If acts of boredom reduce you to a crying heap, then a lack of mental stimulation isn’t really the problem, and the crying is clearly a sign of a deeper underlying emotional issue. "I’m bored to inattention and mental wandering" would make a lot more sense.
-“Wherever you go, there you are.” Unless of course you haven’t gone anywhere, and are already there. In that case it would be “Wherever you are, well, there ‘ya go.”
-“As useless as tits on a boar.” Has anybody ever asked the boar if those tits are of use? Perhaps we’re jumping to a false conclusion. Then again, if we’re talking about nice tits on a really boring person, then yeah, what a waste, and might be the one exception where being bored to tears may be appropriate.
-“I’ve got to piss like a racehorse.” What that would actually mean is “I have to urinate in a barn while walking around on all fours…and preferably into a large pile of straw.” How this conveys an urgency with your bladder and possible imminent loss of bladder control escapes me.
-“I’m wasted.” Really? I’ve never seen anybody at a party drink themselves to the point of starvation and emaciation. Then again, stating to anybody who will listen “I’m so inebriated that my gross motor control and division of attention is compromised” probably falls into the “too wordy” debate.
-“Fuck this.” Why? As an expression of bile and derision I would think engaging in the act of reproduction with said object of spite would be low on the list of activities said spite would inspire.
-“I screwed up.” No, “screwing up” would be an act of elevation, to rise above a starting point, and clearly this saying is meant as an act of failure and debasement. “I screwed down” would be more appropriate.
-“I’m doing great”. Really? Seems to me you’re standing here talking to me, which while maybe nice, fails to rise to the level of greatness. If you were donating your time building homes for the poor or finding a cure for some horrible disease, THAT would be the time for spontaneous statements of “I’m doing great! I’m doing great!”
-“I was dying on the inside.” Yes, you were. We`all were. Little by little every day. It’s called the irreversible act of aging and some would call the central ennui of the existential crisis we all fight every day.
Hmmm…I was going to go for ten examples, but that seemed too predictable, so I’m keeping it at an obtuse nine. And yes, in review, I still wandered into the wordy territory. C’est la vie, which is French for “bite me.”
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