Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Bears, Lilliputians, and American clothing sizes

I went looking for a sweatshirt the other day. Apparently, Americans come in two sizes: XXXXXL "I can't stop stuffing food into my mouth oh god please somebody help me why haven't my friends staged an intervention", and XXXS "Apparently people have been having lots of wanton unprotected sex with Lilliputians for the last several generations and I didn't even know it". If you're neither of these sizes, you're essentially screwed (and not in a good way). You may want to consider saving yourself a whole lot of time, and go right into the woods and kill yourself a bear and wear its pelt for the winter. Not only will it fit better, you'll find it a less frustrating experience as well. Plus, you get to eat its still beating heart and consume its soul, thus becoming one with the bear. So...bonus.

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