Things You Don't Want To Hear At 11:45 PM
OK, I had to leave for the Bay Area early this morning...like really early, and since I 'm going to be out of town for a few days, I needed to pack and get all my stuff together for the week. Naturally, because I am a procrastinator, I put it off as long as possible. Plus, I went to a friends house to watch some of the Oscars, and then went for a walk when I got back to my home (side note on the walk: there was a very light rain going on as I walked, not enough to get you wet, but enough to cause little droplets to form on your jacket. Anyways, the sensation of cool water droplets on your face as you walk was, well, nice. Very grounding. It just lets you know you're still blended with nature...like you're an element within the elements. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the best I can explain it. No, I'm not high right now by the way...). By the time I finished my walk I still had to clean the kitchen, do some laundry, and clean up the living room. At this point, it's now 11:00 PM, and I have to be up at 4:15 AM. I start packing and take a shower, and am now ready to contemplate going to bed. It's now about 11:45 PM.
I fire up my new laptop and climb in bed. I have never known the joy of watching TV on your laptop in bed, but thanks to Hulu, I am now watching the Conan O'Brien finale from New York that I missed on Friday as I lay in my incredibly comfortable bed. I'm thinking to myself that at this moment, life ain't so bad. I have to admit, technology can be pretty damn cool. And so, just when I think my evening, although going to cost me a short night's sleep, is going to end on a high note, I see a light come from under my bedroom door.
Apparently, unbeknownst to me, my 11 yr. old and 13 yr. old daughters were still up. On a school night. What the hell. I get out of bed to go ask them that very question. I walk into their bathroom as they're brushing their teeth and state, "What the hell???" My daughters calmly explain to me that they got caught up playing James Bond on their Wii. They look at me with big, brown unblinking eyes as if this makes perfect sense even though it's a school night. I momentarily consider calling my mother to ask her if mild retardation runs in the family. But, I have seen my girls test scores and grades which consistently puts them in the top 5% of their age group. I decide against making the call. My 13 yr. old then pipes up with, "Oh, and dad, I have some home work I forgot about." I look at her. "Aaaaand, the toilet's clogged." When I ask her again, why, at 11:45 at night we're even having this conversation, I get the big, brown, unblinking eye treatment again. I reconsider making the call. Hmmmm...maybe Down's Syndrome might explain it?
I pop the toilet lid and look inside afraid at what I was going to see, and, believe it or not, I was surprised. It wasn't nasty. In fact, it was almost kind of...well, it wasn't nasty. Inside the toilet was what looked like a giant, white, cheerleader's pom-pom. This pom-pom, from what I could tell, had sucked up every bit of water in the bowl. All of it. The bowl was just a perfect mound of snowy whiteness inside. A giant toilet paper sponge. I look at my daughters and ask, again, "What the hell????" Again, big, brown, unblinking stare. Hmmm...maybe not Downs...wonder if they ate lead paint chips when they were babies?
Long story short, after some mild struggles with splashing water and bits of toilet paper slooshing (my word) over the side of the bowl, I get the toilet unclogged and send them off to bed. But I'm left with this very fundamental truth: If you're going to tell somebody the toilet is clogged, do NOT wait until 11:45 at night. It's a Conan killing buzzkill.
The girls with the big, brown ublinking Eyes...and some mental function issues:
Monday, February 23, 2009
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