Monday, June 8, 2015

Jurassic Park and OSHA

You know, after seeing a few Jurassic Park movies, and then the trailer for the latest, I've got to say I'm surprised OSHA* hasn't shut the park down. I mean, their safety record is, at best, "spotty."

I have this image of the Federal Inspector touring the park's raptor pit with a park representative. I would imagine the conversation would go something like this:

"OK, look. That's like the third....(flips through papers on a clipboard), fourth employee that was eaten this year. I mean...come on. Were they wearing their orange safety vests? Gloves? Hard hat? Did they watch the initial 2-hour "Raptors and You" safety video? You guys are getting pretty lax here..."

(park rep) "Dude. They're carnivorous pack hunters. What are 'ya gonna do? You want to make a raptor, you're going to have to crack a few egg...heads. Haha? Get it? Egg HEADS? 'Cuz it's a play on words on a colloquialism and I worked in how paleontologists are known as egg heads? Funny! Amiright?????"

(OSHA guy...unamused) "Uh-huh. Look at those raptor barriers. Clearly a trip and fall hazard. And all this loose wiring (gestures wildly with his ball point pen) is an electrocution waiting to happen. I'm telling more T-Rex rampage and you guys are DONE." (rips off warning citation and hands it to park rep)

(park rep) "Yeah, yeah. We'll take care of it." (mutters under breath "effing bureaucrats")

(OSHA guy) "ONE. MORE. T-REX. RAMPAGE. Just try me..."


*OSHA=Occupational Safety and Health Administration 

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