Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Celery Conspiracy


My problem with celery is thus: the way its portioned out at the grocery store. A recipe will call for a 1/4, or 1/2 cup, of diced celery. This is the equivalent of one stalk (or less). Ever try and buy just one stalk of celery? You CAN'T. Me at the grocery store:

John-"I'd like to buy a stalk of celery please."
Grocer-"I'm sorry sir, but we only sell it by the metric ton."


I am now going to furiously look for a recipe that calls for one metric ton of celery (hopefully the one missing stalk I already used doesn't detract from the flavor...otherwise I'll be forced to go buy another metric ton of celery. Anybody need a herd of rabbits fed? I can help you out....). When are we going to stop the evil cabal of international celery growers from dictating our lives? Wake up people! The revolution is nigh!




(The above image has nothing to do with this post other than its loose association with celery.  Having said that...you're welcome)*






*It's almost hypnotic, isn't it?  
 

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for the useful celery video... reminds me of a song that used to be regularly chanted at a football ground I frequented, this was inspired by some tabloid kiss and tell bedroom secrets from one of the players ex-girlfriends... the chant went...

    Celery... Celery... if she don't c*m I'll tickle her bum with a stick of celery... celery... celery... repeat ad nauseam...

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  2. "Celery... Celery... if she don't c*m I'll tickle her bum with a stick of celery... celery... celery... repeat ad nauseam..."
    More proof the folks in the UK bring a richer fan experience to sporting events than us Yanks. That was awesome.

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