Tuesday, March 25, 2014

First World Problems

So, as I occasionally do, I decided it was high time for that first pool/spa cleaning of the year.  It was an unusually warm early Spring day (sunny and 80 degrees), and since the pool/spa was suffering from winter neglect, I figured today was the perfect day.  First thing I was going to do was vacuum out the spa.  However, this presents a problem because only after I've started my chore in earnest do I suddenly remember the vacuum head is broken.  What to do?  All is lost, right?  Well, if you have duct (often popularly called "duck") tape, the situation is never dire ("If you can't duck it, fuck it"), and nearly any crisis can be resolved.  Duct tape cures a great many ills...and this was no different.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you "the ghetto pool vacuum system".  Rejoice in its splendor and beauty!

Also, since we're talking pool maintenance, what's with the cryptic instructions with pool equipment? "Zodiac G3 pool sweep starting and stopping?  Possible solution: realign the Ferguson valve next to the parabolic hyphenator, and make sure the grommance chamber is aligned at a 22 degree angle with the satellite fed electron beam.  Once synchronized with the lunar cycle, chant to Poseidon the incantation of clean waters and hop on one foot.  Test for leaky protons, and immerse molybdenum o-ring with ground unicorn horn and pixie dust.  If that doesn't work, smack it with the hammer of Thor, but only after ensuring electron beam is now aligned at 24.3 degrees off center." 

Anyways, pool was all sparkly clean when I got through with it yesterday (duct tape did its job for the spa portion), which pretty much guaranteed that today the temperature would drop 20 degrees with a gale force wind and a storm on the way.  My pool now, once again (thank you neighbors with untrimmed trees), currently looks like the Okeechobee swamp.  Better check for 'gators and rednecks.  Time to set the traps with deer carcasses and Pabst Blue Ribbon (equally effective for both 'gators AND rednecks) and see what bites.* 

*Not my first lamentation about my ability to bring on foul weather by the mere act of cleaning my pool.  See "I have superpowers" blog from 2009.  

1 comment:

  1. Duct tape - saving the world on an hourly basis