Whilst the mac and cheese bakes in the oven...

I have come to the conclusion I am exhausted. I have no energy for much of anything. I guess nine months of 160 mile commutes (round trip) and 17 1/2 hour days (well, nights) has caught up to me. I feel bad. I haven't been socializing with my friends, or anybody much else in my life outside of my daughters. You ever been so low on energy nothing, NOTHING, has appeal? Food? Eh. Sex? Eh. Booze and or partying? Eh. Golf and other recreational activities? Eh. Exercise? I keep after it but its a struggle. Yoga? Actually, yoga is the one thing I've gone back to in an effort to re-energize myself, spiritually if not physically. I think it's helping...then again its only been about two weeks back, so we'll see. But it feels good. Thing is, it seems as if I've got to a point at the moment where I'm living to service my life, instead of allowing life to service me. Does that make sense? I have a schedule change coming up where I'll get my weekends back, and I'm hoping if nothing else, it will get me somewhat integrated back with mainstream society in that my days off will again be the "societal norm." But I have this weird sense of guilt in that I haven't been the friend or companion to others I should be. Which is weird I guess, because really, who do we owe other than ourselves? But that doesn't seem right either. Too selfish...narcissistic. Life is a complicated thing in that there is no "thing", be it a person, job, hobby, or whatever, that is an ultimate answer. It all lies (boy is that loaded with multiple interpretations) within us, and its a multifaceted balancing act where if any one component out of a hundred is out of balance, the whole thing warps and breaks. Well, I am out of balance at the moment (some would say warped, but thats another story), but I simply move forward as I always do, because what else is there? Well, I feel as if I've vented here...so, with that, I get to go pick up my oldest for dinner before running her back to school, and make sure I don't burn the mac and cheese. OK, you know what? Gooey cheese and carbs? I suppose things just need to be kept in perspective. Gooey cheese and carbs makes everything better...