Thursday, May 21, 2009

You may not know your neighbors, but they sure may know you...

So tonight I was standing in my driveway when a strange, chain smoking Asian woman, who I have never set eyes on in my life, walked up to me, and said I "needed" to walk her to the corner of the street in order to placate a friend of hers, who was worried about her safety. She proceeded to (accurately) tell me what I did for a living, told me all about a party I had three years ago at my house, about how I had a friend who is a NY trained chef bbq at my place several times, and that over the years she's noticed 'several' different women coming and going from my place. Exactly. Cue theme from Twilight Zone (or maybe Psycho). I mean, you know, do you respond to that? What do you say? 'Well complete stranger who I have never met who seems to know waaaaay to much about me, although I am about nine inches and 70 pounds larger than you, I must say, you're spooking the ever living shit out of me." But no, I am a polite man, even to the apparently somewhat disturbed, so I made pleasant chit chat through her cloud of cigarette smoke as I walked her to the corner...and looked for a hidden knife or pistol in the waistband of her pants. I then asked her how she knew so much about the neighborhood (didn't want to bring it back to me), and she stated when you knew Spanish, French, and Arabic, you know a lot. Yep. Apparently you do! So, needless to say, tonight I will be sleeping with one eye open and my hands over my testicles, because a) it just seems like a good idea, and b) truth be told they're usually placed there anyway, so, you know...bonus.

1 comment:

  1. One word of advice... move... actually two words of advice... move fast!

    Too weird/freaky by far