Showing posts with label breakfast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breakfast. Show all posts

Sunday, April 5, 2015

California and other musings...


-I live in California. This is not really an amazing fact, but merely a fact in and of itself. California is a place, and it's where I happen to live. Having said that, I don't think about it much. And why would I? We all have lives and other more important matters to fret about, and where we happen to geographically be located normally falls pretty low on the daily thought scale (unless you happen to live in Somalia or Fallujah, for instance. I'm sure folks who live there think about what that means quite a bit). Anyways, where I live is a decent sized city of 500,000 people. However, it is surrounded by farmland and hills/mountains, so it's a surprisingly rural place given its size. Anyways, I sometimes forget that a mere 15 minute drive from my home is geography like this:


It's easy to forget something as beautiful as this is right outside your door. Literally. I had forgotten my hometown had this kind of geography...and it is easy to do. Sometimes we need to just walk outside our door, and put life on hold...if even for only a few hours. If we don't, views like this might as well be a 1,000,000 miles away. This brings me to another point: our drought. If you look at these pictures, you can see where the normal waterline is, and where we are currently at...and it's the end of the rainy season. Not good...at all. Still, it's not like the state sits next to trillions of gallons of water or anything. I mean, how handy would it be to border an ocean, right? If only somebody would invent some sort of handy-dandy process to extract the salt from seawater, perhaps our water issues could be solved. Clearly, that is but a fantasy scenario*

(* This is, of course, hyperbole. California needs to get real and line the coast with desalination plants. If the Middle East can put water slides and ski slopes in their malls located in the middle of the Sahara...courtesy of desalination plants... I would think the world's 7th biggest economy** could do the same and spare us from having to refrain from flushing our toilets or taking a "not more than" five minute shower. Just build a solar farm next to them to supply the power, and presto...it's even green and self sustaining. Naaaah...makes too much sense, and, until a corporation figures out how to charge us for sunlight and seawater, they won't be interested...which is why California needs to make this THE public works project of the 21st century. A water independent California would be an economic juggernaut unlike the world has ever seen. Unfortunately, such ambitions requires foresight and long term thinking/planning, something westerners, and specifically Americans, are typically quite poor at....)

(** California is the world's 7th largest economy. Suck it Texas and New York...outside your own mind, you're just not that important)

Other thoughts:

-why can't I get breakfast past 11am in most restaurants?  What's the issue, man?  For whatever reason, the restaurateurs of America have decided "Thou shalt NOT eat a pancake, bacon, and scrambled eggs after 11am!....no exceptions!!!"  Why?  Is there a time lock vault that locks up the eggs and bacon after 11am?  Is there a rotation of staff that occurs at 11am ON THE DOT that, while perfectly comfortable grilling up a hamburger and fries, have no concept of how to scramble a fucking egg?  "Scramble an egg?  What am I?  Houdini???"  Or, in most restaurants, is the staff with knowledge of all things breakfast summarily executed every morning at 11...which explains the high employee turnover at most restaurants.  Seriously.  What the hell?  On a weekend when I sleep in...or while on vacation....I don't want to be in a panic to get up early to make the "breakfast hour".  I want to enjoy myself at a leisurely pace, and, what I don't want, is a shrimp cocktail or lasagna with my morning cup of coffee.  I want biscuits and gravy.  French toast.  'Ya know?  A fucking FRITTATA. Not a roast chicken.  Who's with me on this?  "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!!!"  "Attica!  Attica!" etc.  Anyways, as you can see, this really irritates me.

-why is the world generally set up on a 8am-6pm schedule?  To take advantage of sunlight?  Is that the reason?  We're no longer an agrarian society.  I don't get up at dawn to milk cows in an unlit barn.  We live in a world of electric light.  We can have light whenever we want it.  It's glorious.  There's no need to chase the sun like an 18th century farmer anymore.  Let it go.  Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, is at their best at 8am.  It takes a gallon of coffee and the stress of a commute to wake us up.  Study after study has indicated the early morning hours are not the time for peak human efficiency.  Furthermore, these same studies have shown that this is just about the WORST time to try and educate a child...so naturally our schools are set up on this inefficient and archaic time system.  Along with extending breakfast hours, we need to push back the work day to something like 10am to 8pm...seriously.  There needs to be a grassroots movement on this.  I'd do it, but I'm too exhausted from getting up so goddamn early (ha! A joke!).

-ok.  Not my best efforts here, but I rushed through it just to put something up.  I've been meaning to do it for a few weeks, but never seemed to get around to it.  So...ta da and all that.  Now, I'd write more, but I need to shower as I just finished a run a little while ago.  No, I don't enjoy running.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say it sucks.  What I enjoy even less, however, is the couple of extra pounds from the holidays that have stubbornly set up camp in my midsection.  Amazing how such a fleeting amount of pleasure can result in such a protracted amount of misery (if that's not a constant analogy for pretty much all of life's experiences, I don't know what is).        

Friday, September 6, 2013

Dairy and Narcolepsy

After a rather hearty breakfast, I think my pores my be leaking pure, grade A, creamery butter. This, by the way, is not a bad thing. I'm attempting to nullify its narcotic sleep inducing effects with coffee stronger, and blacker, than Darth Vader's dress socks.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My first (old) blog...huzzah

So, I’ve been trying to write this blog for a few hours now. I ate some tacos, did some texting, and took a nap (unplanned….was very tired) on my sister’s sofa. Now I’m sitting on the same sofa with her laptop and attempting to write this, watching tv (first it was a show about this lost Caucasian tribe they found in ancient China nobody knew existed, and now Dave and Conan), having a conversation with my sister, and IM’ing various people. Normally, I make fun of this kind of over-connected stimulation, and I don’t know if I could do it every day, but right now…yeah…it’s kind of fun. It’s my second admitted act of hypocrisy today. What can I say? I’m on a roll.

Anyways, as I was on my Sisyphean commute to the Bay Area at an ungodly hour of the morning, I heard a radio station ad for 7-11 (or some place like it) for their newest breakfast creation: the taquito omelet. Wow. Really? Doesn’t that seem a bit of a stretch? I like omelets, I like taquitos…but this just seems like a bad move. I mean, they’re clearly running out of ideas. I will eat almost any breakfast food imaginable, but I do have my limits (side bar: somebody accused me of gorging on pastries and donuts for breakfast on a daily basis, and I just want to say this is patently untrue. Then again, while this person can be an enigmatic story teller, they can get carried away and prone to, well, let’s just say exaggeration, and I’m sure the next time they relate this story I will have graduated from pastries to inhaling five pound bags of granulated sugar for a morning pick me up, and then eventually the story will evolve to me walking around with a high fructose corn syrup bottle hanging from an IV that’s running to a direct line right into my carotid artery 24-7. Anyway, yes, I do like the occasional bear claw…and while mainlining a kilo of C&H’s finest has some appeal, I’m not there yet). It just sounds…desperate. What next? The donut guacamole burger? The biscuit and gravy spaghetti plate? The hot wings and pancakes? Wait…we do have chicken and waffles, but that’s pretty much for when you’re really drunk and it’s three in the morning. But I digress…it just seems like we’re such an ADD nation that we have to keep creating new and, well, certainly interesting, food items to keep people coming in to our ‘artificially flavored, instantaneously prepared, seven thousand year shelf life processed food’ delivery kiosks (also known as Johnny Quick, AM-PM, and 7-11). These places need to calm down and pare it back to what they do best: low grade gasoline, 148 oz. oil drum sized sodas, thirty six flavors of corn nuts, and racks and racks of chocolate donettes. If you’re going to go slumming for breakfast, let’s do it right (make mine a bbq corn nuts, a Coke, and maybe instead of the donettes, a berry pie. I’m feeling reckless…wait, you got one of those five pound bags of sugar laying around…..or maybe some corn syrup?).

As I continued my drive I tried to make a call. No signal. This is too perfect because I was going through the Livermore area, i.e. some of the most technologically advanced real estate in the WORLD…and I cannot …get…a cell signal. Am I the only one who sees the, oh, I dunno, the chocolate donettey deliciousness of the irony here? It’s not like I was driving through Kabul for god’s sake!!!! Worlds most advanced nuclear weapons systems being developed over there, plasma/fusion electrical research going on over there (read it in Discovery Magazine), Oracle compound over there…and not a low brow cell signal in sight. Who knows…maybe I’m just too easily amused by the little things…like multi-billion dollar tech firms being located in a valley of spotty communications signals.

OK, so I put my phone down and start scribbling a list (my first act of hypocrisy today) of shit that annoys me as I drive so I can write about it later (have to…I have no short term memory…at…um…all….and…uh…what are we talking about again?). Guess who makes the list? The dickhead in front of me, and here’s why. We’re in the number one (fast) lane and he’s tearing it up at 64 miles per hour. OH. MY. GOD. KILL ME NOW. LET’S GO MOTHERFUCKER!!! Naturally, traffic is flying by to my right and I can’t change lanes because the self centered pricks have apparently never seen a turn signal before and have mistakenly identified my desire to change lanes as an opportunity to have a high speed collision should I dare to actually make good on my lane change. So I’m stuck. What makes it worse is this guy in front of me is driving a big old high powered SUV. And not just any SUV…a…wait for it…Porsche Cayenne. This guy went out and dropped a pile of extra ducats to have a “high performance” vehicle masquerading as a station wagon, and he refuses to take it over 64 miles per hour. And it gets better: it was the Cayenne S. The S version is what you get when you ask the sales person “Sure, it’s a Porsche…but have you got anything with some actual BALLS?” And yet, this guy had…none (balls that is). We got to a downhill run and there was no traffic ahead of him, and he…SLOWS DOWN. Tippy tap on the break pedal. Un-be-liev-able. Clearly Porsche needs to run some sort of psychological profile on their potential customers before they consider selling them a vehicle. “I’m sorry sir…but you’re just not the type of manic, coked up, self centered, poor decision making asshole we need to have in our vehicles to truly drive them properly. Should you go through another three divorces and start dating a stripper twenty years your junior with an out of control meth and ecstasy addiction, give us a call as you phone in your Viagra and heart medication refill…then we’ll talk”.OK, I have GOT to get off of this sofa…

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