Greetings internet. So, I haven't blogged anything in like three years. Why am I blogging something right now, you may ask? No good reason, really. It could be the garlic hummus I had earlier seems to have had a secret ingredient of sulfuric acid I wasn't aware of (at least according to my current heartburn that's not allowing me to sleep). Or, it could be because I'm moving to Colorado in five days, and have about a million things going on in my head. Possibly. Or, maybe it's just because I used to do it for no other reason than to have a writing outlet, and writing is something I feel I do with a bit of panache...and it's something I've been ignoring for far too long. Who knows. What I do know is the air here in the Central Valley is God awful. After living on the coast for three years, and then moving back here for a few months while my home in Colorado is completed, all I can say is I forgot just how wonderful asthma can be when it's really heinous and agitated, and let me tell you, since I've been back I've kind of had this General Grievous thing going on (the cough and rasp...not the robotic arms...although that would be kinda cool. What's that? Yes. General Grievous. Revenge of the Sith. Episode III. You know...STAR WARS? Oh...you don't? Oh. Well, you see, General Grievous was this...oh, never mind non-nerd. Be gone with you and go back to your den of aloof coolness and vape something ((is vaping still a thing? I have no idea because I'm pretty out of touch with pop culture these days...)). Now, where the hell was I? Oh yeah...blogging. Anyways, this will probably be the last blog I have for several months because of my upcoming move and need to set up a new house and life in Colorado, but I intend to come back and share life's little oddities and wry observations like I used to. Oh, and if I ever get around to writing and recording music again, I'll put that here too (see previous post three years ago for last song...). Anyways, let's get on with a few thoughts:
-saw a guy driving around with both an American flag, and a Confederate battle flag (you know, the red flag with a blue "X" with stars on it all redneck jackasses like to put in the rear window of their truck) flying from his humongous SUV. I found this confusing, because I'm not sure what the message this half-wit was trying to convey. "I'm an American and proud Southern Separatist?" Well, if that's the case you're confused, because you can't be both. Pick one and live with it dipshit. "I'm a proud Trump supporter delighting in owning the libs?" Well, based on your visual cues indicating your stupidity, I'd say that is obvious, but the only owning going on is the self-own established above. "I'm a racist troglodyte?" Ding, ding, ding. I think we know the answer to my initial confusion. However, there was kind of a poetic beauty to this inbreeds visual display, and that is this...ha. Kidding. Of course there wasn't. The guy's a moron and a bigot who couldn't spell poetic if it was tattooed on his girlfriends moon-pie ass (and it would probably be spelled "poletic" because her tattoo artist thought she was talking about her profession). Hmmm...bigot AND moron. What's that make him? A migot? A boron? All of the above? Discuss amongst yourselves.
-ran errands today ten minutes after taking a shower. After being outside for a whopping eleven seconds, I had already begun to sweat through my t-shirt. That’s what I love about Fresno summer: if you leave the house, you’re never more than 15 minutes away from total sweat funk. It’s magical.
-Pet peeves. Let’s talk about them. Here’s one of mine: somebody texts you, and within three seconds of receiving the text, you call them back because the answer is too nuanced, lengthy, or complicated for a text response. They don’t answer. And, they don’t text back either...even though they just text you five seconds ago. It’s like it never happened. It’s almost as if they text you from a deck of a cargo ship, and then immediately threw their phone into the ocean right after they hit “send”, and then began a years long adventure as a merchant marine sans mobile device. I imagine them steaming away from the Golden Gate Bridge, through the fog, and headed for the open sea...squinting towards the horizon and pulling their wool watch cap closer over their ears as their iPhone sinks ever deeper into the icy abyss, and thinking to themselves: “I now belong to the sea...as she is my mistress and master.” Oh, and somewhere in there they’re drinking a steaming cup of strong coffee...its vapor tendrils mixing with the mist around them. Anyways, don’t text unless you’re ready to engage is my point.
-So, I’m staying with my mom for a few weeks. One of my favorite cocktails for hot weather (i.e. typical Fresno summer) is a gin and tonic. Crisp and refreshing. So, I say, “Mom, would you like a G&T?” She replies she really isn’t familiar with the drink, as she’s not a big gin drinker. I whip one up and her reply? “Hey. That’s damn good.” So, I give you the mom approved G&T recipe for the these hot summer months. Have one of these, and I guarantee you’ll feel like a Raj (side note, I also made chicken tikka masala that night, so I think I was rocking a whole subcontinental theme there). In a highball glass:
-3 oz Beefeater gin
-juice of one lime
-fill glass with good ice
-top off with Schweppes tonic (Schweppes is key)
-lime twist
Sip, and think of Queen Victoria’s empire.
-I’m not a huge fan of flying. Why? Because flying, and airports in general, basically suck. Unless of course you enjoy being treated like cattle and then being sealed into a plague ship with recirculating air. However, there is fun in the anticipation of whatever new, fresh Hell an airport can throw your way. Today’s new escapade? The person in front of me wearing 92 million dollars worth of jewelry attempting to get through security. This held me up and left my phone and wallet unattended in the security tray...ripe for the picking and kicking off my OCD and thoughts of being forever trapped at DIA with no money, ID, or means of communication. Didn’t happen of course, but I tried to recreate the expression on my face in this pic as I stared at the walking Tiffany display jamming up the works at security. Makes me actually appreciate the ease of travel in and out of Fresno. I love you FAT. Never change.
-Friends only exist if there's ease of access. Friendship is all about access and availability. I've firmly come to believe this. Lovers too. Humans are funny this way. No matter how close you are to people...try moving away for some years and then coming back. You'll find it's never really the same again, if you can even restore any kind of connection at all (I've moved around a bit so I'm familiar with the phenomena). That's why family is the constant. Family never goes away. They're up your ass 24-7, and, voila, your family will be your constant companions until one of you dies. I don't mean this negatively, as there is comfort in this. My point here is, you'd better be on your families good side, they're all you've got in the end. Everybody else is transitory (sad? Kinda. Heavy? A little. But completely true. So, now, all of you, go call your mom...she's dying to tell you about her latest doctors appointment and how her next door neighbors daughter is going back into rehab).
OK, that will have to do for now. Not my greatest work, but it's a start. However, the Benadryl is kicking in (yes, allergies...and hey, who doesn't like riding the diphenhydramine dragon? Now somebody cue up "Fly Like an Eagle". Time keeps on slippin, slippin...) and I'm going to call it a night and have some seriously funky dreams (an interesting effect of Benadryl on me...just thought I'd share).
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